Both Of Us

Another Wednesday, another installment of 'Angel'. For those of you who've been wondering when Pasha was going to wake up and smell the coffee... sniff the air, baby :)

The prompt I used this time was If I were you, I'd....

“What do you mean ‘I’m yours’?” Pasha snapped. “Don’t be ridiculous. We’ve got some freaky bond and we need to work out some way to break it. I….”

“I don’t think we can,” the Angel said miserably. “I think if we try we will hurt each other.”

“But we have to try,” Pasha said in desperation. I can’t… react every time you think…. Shit, I feel you.”

“And I you. Why do you fight so hard to deny it? I know you desire me. You thrust the feelings on me then deny you have them. Why do you keep denying it?”

“I don’t desire you,” Pasha said, but with less conviction than before. “I can’t. I’m not gay.”

“You’ve said that before. I don’t understand what you mean.”

“Gay means…. It means a man who loves another man.”

“You love your brother,” the angel said carefully.

“Not love like that. Like… have sex with.” Pasha felt the heat rise and his cheeks burned. The angel didn’t seem to notice,  although Pasha didn’t miss it when he rubbed his fingers absently over his own cheek.

“Is that a bad thing? Is it bad…being…gay?”

“No, not bad. It’s just I’m not.”

“Oh. But….”

“Let it drop, okay,” Pasha snapped and the angel winced. Pasha held up his hands. “Sorry. I’m sorry. Look, we need to work this out, and soon before one of us gets hurt.”

“One of us did,” the angel said bleakly.

“Yeah. I’m sorry about that. Does your head hurt?” he asked, his mood softening considerably.

“Yes.”

“Let me see.”

Pasha helped the angel sit up and examined the place, on the back of his head, where his golden hair was sticky with blood. When he touched it the angel winced and moaned and his hand came away with fresh blood. There was a fair amount on the towel, too.

“You’re still bleeding,” Pasha said, feeling concerned and guilty together. “I’ll get Anna to—.”

He made to get up but the angel’s hand shot out and grabbed his wrist. “Don’t go,” he said softly in his sweet voice.

“I…. Alright, but we need to do something to stop the bleeding.”

“It will stop. It hurts when you touch it. Don’t do it anymore. My… My head hurts inside too and it’s making me feel strange in my stomach.”

“Okay, well…. You should rest. If you move around too much you’ll be sick.”

“Sit with me.” The angel took Pasha’s hand and laid it against his cheek. Pasha felt a familiar stirring in his gut and thought he should pull his hand away. The problem was, it felt…nice.

Pasha shifted his position to make himself more comfortable and the angel let go of his hand. He reached out to touch Pasha’s hair. “You have pretty hair,” he murmured. “Soft.”

“It’s not as pretty as yours.” Pasha touched it. “It looks like real gold.”

“It is,” the angel said in a matter-of-fact way.

“Oh. It doesn’t feel like gold. It’s soft.”

“Yes.” The angel smiled and closed his eyes. “That feels good. Don’t stop.”

Pasha didn’t want to stop. He found he was enjoying himself, letting the golden locks slide through his fingers. The angel sighed again and his soft moan was echoed by the sound that slipped from Pasha’s throat.

“Who’s doing it this time?” Pasha asked, with an uneasy laugh.

“Both of us,” the angel said softly, opening his eyes.

Pasha wondered why he hadn’t noticed how beautiful they were. They were so big and so blue and so…. He had a strange sensation, as if he was falling into them.

“You are beautiful, Pasha,” the angel whispered.

“So are you.”

The smile the angel gave him was as sexy as any smile Pasha had ever seen. He found himself leaning forward and brushing his lips over the angel’s

“Mmm,” the angel hummed and wrapped his arms around Pasha, drawing him closer. There was one brief moment when Pasha felt he should say something, let the angel know he really didn’t desire him and this was…was just…. But the words were lost in the kiss and by the time the kiss ended he didn’t want to say them anymore.

When Anna and Lukas returned they found them both sitting on the sofa. The angel’s head was on a pillow in Pasha’s lap and was gazing up at him with an adoring look on his face. Pasha had the same expression on his and was gently stroking the angel’s hair and face. He looked up when he heard them and smiled.

“I take it you two have worked some things out,” Anna said, with a smile.

“Some things,” Pasha said. “We’re still no closer to understanding this bond, whatever it is.”

“But you’re not fighting it anymore. I think that’s quite a lot of progress, don’t you?” she said.

Pasha thought about it and nodded. “Oh yes,” he said.

“So what? Are you two…um…friendly now?” Lukas asked, unable to meet Pasha’s eyes.

“Oh, definitely friendly,” Pasha said in a loaded voice, gazing at the angel then he raised his eyes back to his brother. “Is that a problem?”

“A problem?” Lukas sounded mystified. “What do you mean a problem?”

“You know what I mean.” There was a hardness to his voice that made the angel frown.

Lukas shook his head, confused, then his eyes widened. “I thought you knew me better than that, Pasha,” he said, sounding disappointed. Pasha nodded.

“How are you feeling?” Anna asked the angel gently. “Do you have a headache?”

“I think so,” The angel said.

“If I were you I’d take him upstairs?” She said to Pasha. I think both of you could do with a nap. Don’t forget,” she said with some severity in her voice, “the angel was battered in the accident too.”

“Oh,” Pasha said, feeling guilty that he’d forgotten.

The angel gave a little gasp and touched Pasha’s face. “Don’t feel like that,” he said and it made Pasha smile.

Now go check out the rest of our flashers

Lily Sawyer m/m

Michael Mandrake m/m

Julie Hayes  m/m

M.A. Church m/m
Cia Nordwell m/m

Tali Spencer m/f

MORE MARIA

I haven't ranted about my wonderful friend Maria for a while. So here are some of her new works

ENJOY

                                

                                   

That's it for now. Keep your eyes on this blog for more by this fantastic artist.

Wednesday Briefs - You're Mine

And here comes Wednesday again and here's my flash. It's been a strange week. I'd built up so hard for the release of my book The Runaway that after all the hype things went flat for a while. It's been a bitch of a day at work and I've got a pounding headache. I need to spend some times with my feet up reading great stories. So I'll soon be off to check out the other flashers. But first here's this weeks installment of Angel.

The prompts this week

You are the sunshine of my...
or use butts, pudding cat
or I'l like to make you and offer...
Use something with stripes
Use whole new world
I always thought you look like

“What do you mean he’s not breathing? He…he’s an angel.”

“And you’re an expert on angels now? I don’t know what angels are supposed to do. This is a whole new world to me. Was he breathing before. Do angels breathe? I don’t know what to do.”

Pasha was shocked to the core. Lukas and Anna huddled together staring at the angel, who was lying perfectly still.

“For the love of God….” Pasha scrambled across the carpet to the angel. A desperate search found a pulse and strong heartbeat and, when Pasha put his face next to the angel’s mouth, he felt the tickle of breath on his cheek. He very nearly collapsed across the fallen angel, relief coursing through him.

“Of course he’s breathing, you idiot. What the hell did you think you were doing, scaring the crap out of me like that?”

“Well I didn’t know. I’m no fucking doctor or expert in CPR,” Lukas snapped back.

“There was no need for CPR, he’s fine.”

“Yeah right. Fine. Unconscious angels bleeding on my carpet are quite usual in this house and it’s fine.” Lukas was angry and Pasha didn’t blame him. He felt pretty angry himself. Angry with himself.

“What have I done?” he murmured again, brushing the bright metallic hair out of the angel’s face. At his touch, the angel’s eyes fluttered and opened. For a moment he stared blankly at Pasha, then he smiled. It was a beautiful smile that came from somewhere deep within and beamed out of him. Pasha gasped at how lovely he was.

The world faded out and Pasha totally forgot about Lukas and Anna, as the angel raised his hand to touch his face. The angel sighed. “I knew you cared,” he murmured. “I care about you too.” He sighed and his eyes closed.

“No wait, wait don’t….” It was too late. The angel was out cold.

“We’d better get him up off the floor,” Pasha said, embarrassment warring with a strange kind of peace that had settled over him when the angel said he cared. Not that it made any difference. Not that he was bothered.

Lukas helped him lift the angel. There was blood on his hair and on the carpet. A few spun gold threads stuck to the edge of the grate. Pasha shivered.

The angel was heavier than he looked and totally limp. It was all Lukas and Pasha could do, to get him up onto the sofa.

“Wait.” They froze as Anna raced from the room. She returned moments later with a towel.

“Oh, for heaven’s sake, Anna, don’t we have more to worry about than a bit of blood on your cushions?”

“I like these cushions,” she complained spreading the towel before they laid the angel down.

Pasha dismissed her from his attention. Grabbing the blanket that had covered the angel the night before, he tucked it carefully around him and took his hand. The angel was shivering and his hand was cold. “Get me another blanket,” he demanded.

At the sound of his voice the angel’s fingers twitched and his eyes fluttered open again. He blinked slowly and finally  seemed aware of what was going on around him. He made no move, but stared up at Pasha with an intent expression on his face.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened but I’m so, so sorry I hurt you.”

“You? Hurt me?” He thought for a moment, then raised his hand to his head. “Yes, you did.” There was no accusation in his voice. It was a simple statement.

“I’m sorry.”

“I know you are. I can feel it.”

“Look…how does this work. I…I’m not saying I believe you…completely. You keep saying that I make you feel things…how?”

“I…don’t know.”

The angel looked wary and Pasha realised with a jolt it was because he was afraid of him. Not that he blamed him. “Look, I’m not going to hurt you. I won’t get angry again but I need to understand.”

“I don’t know how it works. I don’t remember. When… when you feel desire, I....”

“I don’t—.” The angel flinched and Pasha bit his lip. He turned to Lukas and Anna. “Can I have a minute? There are some things we need to talk about.”

“Yeah, there sure are and I want to—.”

“I know what you want, Lukas,” Anna said, “but this is something Pasha has to figure out for himself. Come on, you’re going to help me get dinner.”

Practically dragging him, Anna led Lukas from the room, leaving them alone.

“I don’t desire you,” Pasha repeated stubbornly settling himself into a more comfortable position on the floor at the angel’s side.

The angel held tight to his hand. Saying nothing, he simply stared, his huge blue eyes swirling pools of confusion and fear. The sheer vulnerability hit Pasha as he realised the position the angel was in and a flood of compassion washed through him. He was about to say something when the angel raised a hand and touched his face. The fingers were cold and trembling and there were crystalline tears in the corners of his eyes.

“Don’t hurt me,” he whispered and Pasha’s stomach lurched. The angel gasped and his hand tightening on Pasha’s  Then he felt it. He’d felt it before but not recognised it. It was like a surge of energy between them. As he stared into the shocked eyes of the angel he could feel hands touching him, stroking him, caressing him. The angel hissed and arched his back.  “What are you doing to me?”

“I…don’t know. I seem to be doing it to myself too.”

With the words, the connection broke leaving them both shocked and gasping.

“Did you feel it?” Pasha asked the quivering angel.

“I felt something. Like you were… were touching me.”

“Yes. Me too. What does it mean?”

“I think,” the angel said breathlessly. “I think it means you’re mine.”

Cia Nordwell m/m

Michael Mandrake     m/m

MA Church     m/m

Elyzabeth VaLey      m/f

Tali      m/f

Julie Lynn Hayes  m/m

Why Are You Doing This To Me

This is a very special Wednesday. The Runaway is released today after a long journey of discovery for me. I'm hoping it will be well received and I'm nervous and excited at the same time.  I've still got time for some flashing though and this week Pasha and the angel are getting into real trouble.

The prompt I used was When did you become such a (though Ssssh I cheated a tiny bit and dropped the 'such'. It was absolutely the only way I could fit any of the prompts in.) Next week I'm going to write around the prompt rather than the other way around

“When did you become a man?” Lukas demanded, when they were all seated in the living room.

Anna had found the angel some clothes, after throwing a fit about finding that a naked man had replaced the naked angel. Apparently, naked angels were fine but naked men weren’t. Pasha was confused but he couldn’t deny it was a relief to get the angel covered up.

In a pair of Luka’s old joggers, cinched tightly at the waist, and a shapeless sweater, the angel looked…. Well, he still looked like an angel. Somehow, the shabby clothing merely made his beauty shine even more brightly and as for his hair….

He curled up even tighter in the old armchair in the corner, facing the window and shook his head. “I… I just…. The wings were getting in the way and I…. He....” He nodded towards Pasha. He wanted…but he didn’t. I was confused and then….. Then the men came and I was scared. I was so…. I was…so scared..” He started to rock, hugging his knees tightly, and hiding his face. Pasha wanted to go to him, to hold him and….

Suddenly, the angel sat bolt upright and stared at Pasha. For a moment, the world flicked out and all Pasha was aware of was hands, touching him, stroking him, making him….”Stop.”

The angel gasped and collapsed, hugging his knees even tighter and moaning, as if in pain.

“I told you to stop it,” Pasha yelled at him and the angel cringed back.

“I…I didn’t. I didn’t do anything. You…. You made me…. You did it. You.” He buried his face, sobbing and Pasha suddenly wanted to…. No, he wanted to pound him, to tell him he didn’t desire him and would never desire him and to demand he stopped doing whatever it was he was doing to make him desire him. But he didn’t. He didn’t say anything. He simply turned and walked away.

In the kitchen, he paced, striding back and forth, blazingly angry. How dare he do that? How dare he make that happen in front of his family. He was oblivious to what was going on in the other room, until Anna burst in on him.

“What the fuck’s going on?”

“What do you mean?”

“That little scene in there.”

“What...? I…”

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on, and I’m not that bothered, as long as it doesn’t put us into any danger but whatever happened just now hurt him.”

“Hurt him? What do you mean?”

“See for yourself.” She took Pasha’s hand and led him back into the living room where Lukas was kneeling on the floor next to the angel, who was curled up, making strange little keening sounds. Lukas was patting him gingerly on the shoulder but seemed to be lost as to what else to do.

“What the fuck?” Without another thought entering his head, Pasha strode across the floor and dropped down next to the angel. He put one hand on the angel’s shoulder and winced, as pain lanced up his arm. He ignored it and crooned. “Hey… Hey, what’s wrong. Ssh, it’s okay. It’s okay.” He had no idea what to say but had a strong feeling that it really didn’t matter. It was the sound of his voice that would calm the angel, not what words it was forming.

At his first touch, the angel fell silent and slowly turned his head to look up at Pasha. He looked totally dazed and confused. “Why?” was all he said and it was Pasha’s turn to be confused.

“Why what?”

“Why did you do that to me?” There was no condemnation in the shaking voice, only confusion.

“Do what? I didn’t do anything to you. You….”

“No,” the angel said forcefully. “Why do you keep saying it’s me? It’s not me. It’s you. You’re doing it and you hurt me.”

“I told you it isn’t me,” Pasha snapped, overcome with embarrassment and anger. There was no way he was going to talk about the angel’s stupid insistence that he desired him in front of Lukas and Anna. “Just shut up. Shut up and…and keep away from me.”

As his voice rose, the angel’s face crumpled into an expression of pain, and the keening sound started again.

“Stop it,” Pasha hissed. “Just stop it.” The sound was giving him a terrible headache, blinding pain stabbing into his skull. “Stop it,” he yelled and shook the angel roughly by the shoulder. “Stop it. Stop it.” The more he yelled, the more the angel keened, peal after peal of pain distilled into sound.

“Pasha,” Anna, said, putting her hand on his arm, “maybe you should….”

“Shut. The. Fuck. Up.” Almost blinded by the pain, Pasha shook the angel like a rag doll. His head snapped back and struck the edge of the fireplace. As the angel’s eyes fluttered and rolled back the pain winked out and Pasha dropped him, skittering backwards. He sat on the floor his eyes wide and his arms clamped around his knees.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck. What have I done? What have I done?”

“Calm down, Pasha,” Anna said, putting her arm around his shoulders. “Listen to me. Listen.”

Tearing his eyes away from the unconscious angel Pasha looked up into Anna’s large, calm eyes.

“I’m not pretending to understand, but it seems to me as if you and the angel have some kind of connection, okay? When you feel strong emotion it affects him in one way or another. Does it do the same with you. Do you feel things when he does?”

“K…kind of.”

“Okay, well we need to keep calm then, okay. We need to keep a lid on the strong emotions until we work out what’s happening.” Wordlessly, Pasha nodded. “Right, back away. Keep back and keep calm okay?”

“I…I’ll try.”

“Anna,” Luka said softly. He’d been kneeling over the angel and he looked at them over his shoulder. I don’t think he’s breathing.”

Now go check out all the other wonderful flashers.

Lily Sawyer     m/m

Tali     m/f

MA Church     m/m

Elyzabeth VaLey     m/f

Julie Lynn Hayes  m/m

The Runaway - Competition Results

THE RUNAWAY IS RELEASED ON 12TH SEPTEMBER

It was decided that to show our thanks for taking time out of your busy lives to visit my blog and comment you all deserve to win.

If you would like to send your email address to Chakira@hotmail.co.uk I'll let you have a copy of the book as soon as possible after release. If you have a preference as to format please let me know.

Jadelilac

jmto rass

Rush

MG WELLS

Zoe Saadia

Johnathan Colourfield

Congratulations and many thanks to everyone

Wednesday Briefs. - In the Arms of an Angel - Choosing Sides

Wednesday has arrived again and it's an exciting time with my book release approaching fast and a chat date at the Love Romance Cafe tomorrow. Come and visit me there and we'll chat about angels

This week I've chosen. A comfy chair as my prompt

Pasha stared at the angel for a while, his head spinning. The fact he was beautiful, vulnerable and distressed, did nothing to help him in his quandary. If he made the wrong decision someone who didn’t deserve to be hurt would be— horribly. If he chose the angel and he was what the men said he was, he’d expose his family to terrible danger. If he chose his family and the angel was who he said he was, the angel was probably going to die.

It also didn’t help that his mind kept drifting back to the dream, feeling the angel’s hands on his body, remembering the look in his eyes, the curve of his shoulder, the…. Shit. He was getting hard and actually starting to feel those hands. He looked up and the angel was staring at him, his eyes wide and his body showing his arousal.

“What are you doing to me? How can I possible believe you’re innocent when you’re trying to seduce me, to cloud my mind and my decisions.”

“I…I’m not. I swear it, Pasha. It isn’t me. It’s you. You are doing this to me, not me to you.”

“I’m doing it? Don’t be so ridiculous. That’s the last thing I’d be thinking of at a time like this. I told you… I don’t have sexual feelings for men. I’m not gay.”

“I…I don’t know what gay is but I know you desire me. If…if that is not what you want then I… understand but, Pasha please, please believe me I’m not trying to… to… u…um what you said. I’m not doing this. I swear I’m not doing this.”

Pasha stared at him. It was impossible. Whatever was going on wasn’t coming from him, which meant the angel must be lying, which meant he probably lied about everything. He was playing on Pasha’s attraction— not that he was attracted, of course. He must be what they said he was. He must be. But… if he wasn’t. Could he bear to stand by and watch those terrible men take the angel away? Could he ever forgive himself if he was the cause of the beautiful man’s death?

“If I trust you and I’m wrong…. If, when you get your memory back you are what they say you are, I’m putting my family at risk. How can I do that?”

“I’d never hurt you, Pasha, never, nor your family. I won’t hurt anyone.”

“Can you absolutely guarantee that?”

“I…” The angel bit his lip and bowed his head. “No. I don’t remember. I don’t remember anything. I feel I’m not bad, but I don’t know it.”

Pasha dropped his head and ran his finger back and forth along the seam of his jeans.

There was silence for a while, a thick, dark silence. Then the Angel sighed deeply and sniffed. “I…I see it now, Pasha. I…am a danger to you. I can’t tell you I’m not. I can’t promise I won’t hurt you, because I don’t know. I don’t want to hurt you. I want to protect you. I want to protect you and take care of you. So…” He closed his eyes and the diamond tears tinkled as they scattered his knees. “I am afraid, Pasha. I am so afraid but… You must call them. You must let them take me. It’s the only way I can make you safe. I feel… I feel you are in danger. I don’t think it is from me but I don’t know and either way you will be safe if I am gone. Please do it quickly. Let it be over soon.”

Pasha was horrified. The more he thought about it the more it made sense. If the angel was evil wouldn’t he have sworn they were all safe? Wouldn’t he have promised not to hurt them. By telling him he couldn’t guarantee his safety he was effectively signing his own death warrant. Would he have done that if he was what they said he was?

 Even if he didn’t remember anything he was still essentially himself, his personality intact. If he was a liar and a cheat, a vicious, heartless brute, he would have done anything he could to persuade Pasha to protect him. Instead, all he cared about was that Pasha be protected, even if it meant his own life. He just couldn’t be bad.

“No. No, I won’t call the men. I believe you. I trust you, and I want to help you.”

“You… you do?”

“Yes, I do. You’ll be safe here until you get your memory back. I’ll take care of you.”

“You…will?”

“Yes, I will. I promise.”

The angel’s face lit up and he threw himself at Pasha, hugging him close. “Thank you, Pasha. I love you.”

Pasha jerked back. “But let’s get one thing straight. I’m not gay. I don’t desire you and I definitely don’t love you.”

The angel looked terribly confused but nodded slowly. “Whatever you say, Pasha. Whatever you want.”

“Good. I need to talk to my brother.”

“A...all right. Can I…?” The angel was looking at him as if he was scared one wrong word would be bring disaster. “Can I come with you? I…I’m scared.”

Pasha opened his mouth to say no but the angel looked so frightened and he was shaking.

“Angel, I’m not going to hurt you. No one here is going to hurt you. And we won’t let anyone else hurt you either. You’re safe here.”

Slowly, the angel shook his head. “No, I’m not. None of us are. But I don’t know why. I…. I’m weak Pasha. I should walk away and take the danger with me but I can’t. I can’t leave you. I’m weak.”

“You’re weak because you’re shocked and hurt. You’ll be better soon.”

Wordlessly, the angel nodded.

“Come downstairs. Sit in a comfy chair and we’ll talk—all of us.”

Again the angel nodded and allowed Pasha to lead him down the stairs.

Now go check out the rest of the flashers.

Tali      m/f

MC Houle      m/m

Julie Lynn Hayes  m/m

Countdown to 12th September ALMOST HERE

To be Released on 12th September 2012

What if everything you ever dreamed of turns out to be the last thing you ever wanted?

What if a life of privilege and ease becomes a gilded cage, crushing the life out of you

Caiarrai is a spoiled and pampered superstar. With a career as a very successful model turning into an equally successful career as a Hollywood actor, his future seems set with great things. But he isn't happy.Like the man in the fairytale he used to tell his brother when they were children he's a prisoner of his own success and he wants out.

Jack is damaged in more ways than one. Recovering fro the car accident that killed his parents and stole his memory, he wanders through life in a fog... until he meets the strange and beautiful boy trying to skim stones on the banks of the lake.

That meeting changes both of their lives forever, but the path to true love is never easy and they have a lot of hurdles to leap before they can think of being together.

Then, when they finally think they've found their place, somewhere they can finally be themselves and be together, fate steps in and sweeps Ciarrai away again throwing him back into his cage and turning the key.

An opportune accident allows Ciarrai to reach out to Jack and things go rapidly from bad to worse to deadly.

Will their love survive? Will they survive?  The oldest fairytales are dark, telling stories of the fey folk who could be bitter and fickle... like fate. So to say it has a fairytale ending gives nothing away at all


To celebrate the release of the book we will be giving away free copies of the book on the day of release.

If you want to win a copy simply comment on this post. If you want to you can just put in a single word or vent your spleen about fairytales, fame, fortune or just about anything you like.

Winners will be announced on 6th September at the Love Romance Cafe when you are all cordially invited to meet and chat with myself and my good friend and publisher Red Haircrow.

If you haven't yet joined it's not hard. Just follow the link and immerse yourself in a world of literary discussion and frivolous fun.

Love Romance Cafe