Wednesday, 16 July 2014

Wednesday Briefs - Cyan Ch 13


This is an exciting Wednesday, because, after being on the market for almost 3 years, my house has now sold and we're moving in less than 2 weeks (one of which we're on holiday for) It's crazy around here, with packing and sorting and throwing lots of things away (I'm moving from a 3 bed big house, to a 2 bed cottage. I must be crazy) I probably won't flash next week because I'll be away, but I might not be able to resist taking my laptop with me.

In all the craziness I forgot which prompt I used, but it's in there somewhere.

The weekend was hell. Robin was on edge, unconsciously searching for Cyan. He didn’t see him, and wasn’t really surprised.

There were times when he almost went to Cyan’s house, but what would he say? He’d gone over and over what happened in his head, and got nowhere. At first, the kiss was the thing that dominated his thoughts. The kiss and the uneasy recognition he wasn’t repulsed by it. In fact, the more he relived it, the more he came to admit to himself he actually liked it.

However, as time passed, it was the expression on Cyan’s face that hunted him. He’d hurt Cyan when he was at his most vulnerable, and that made Robin feel really, really bad. He was such a bastard.

The feeling grew as Sunday came to an end, until he was in a fever about seeing Cyan the next day. What would he say? Sorry? For what? He rehearsed different speeches, over and over in his head.

I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to run, but you shocked me, andno, that made it sound as if he thought say it was Cyan’s fault.

Look, the kiss was great, but I’m not gay — No, that might give him false hope. It was false hope.

I really like you as a friend, but — too corny.

I was afraid they’d think I’m gay — too honest.

In the end he settled on I’m really flattered you feel that way about me, and if you’d been a girl I probably would have gone for it, but I’m not gay, and I ran away because I was confused and didn’t want to embarrass us both.

Even as he rehearsed it, he knew he wouldn’t be able to say it, when Cyan’s sad eyes were on him.

Robin slept badly on Sunday night. It occurred to him, when he got out of his car – the bus was out of the question for as long as there was any possibility of bumping into Gillian — that Cyan might not want to talk to him. It hurt when he imagined a cold look in Cyan’s lovely eyes. Wait. What?

There was no sign of Cyan, but why would there be? Why would Cyan wait for him at the gate today?
Cyan wasn’t in the common room, and neither did he turn up for the history lesson. Robin realised with a sinking heart, that he wasn’t coming in at all.

“Damn,” Aivah said when they hit the common room again. “I was hoping you’d have sorted it out by now, and you’d stop mooning around.”

“I am not mooning around, and I never will.”

“Sorry, mate,” Alex said, stifling laughter, “she’s right. You haven’t heard a word we’ve said for the last ten minutes, have you? And you’re eyes are glued to the door. Face it mate – he’s not coming. He’s obviously not in today.”

“You should go see him,” Aivah said.

“And say what? He probably won’t see me anyway.”

“So, what did happen?” Alex asked.

“I let him down, that’s all. He wanted something I couldn’t give.” He realised he’d said too much as soon as the words were out of his mouth.

“He did come on to you,” Alex said with a grin of triumph.

“So what?” Aivah said, elbowing him. “Cyan’s gay and you know it. He was in a state and it’s not surprising he reached out. You ran away, didn’t you?”

“Okay. Alright. Look, it wasn’t a big deal really. He kissed me, okay. He kissed me and I freaked out and ran away. Now I feel like a complete bastard.”

“You shouldn’t,” Alex said. “He knows you’re not gay, and he’s probably feeling just as bad.”

“You should go see him,” Aivah said. “He probably thinks he’s driven you away and you’re not his friend anymore.”

“Do you think so?” Robin was alarmed. Why hadn’t he thought of that? Suddenly, it was desperately important he see Cyan as soon as possible.

Robin made it to the end of the day, then headed straight to Cyan’s house.

Cyan’s mother opened the door. She looked tired and stressed.

“Robin,” she cried, and hugged him. “I’m so glad to see you. I was going to call but didn’t like to— Cyan told me what happened, and I didn’t know how you feel about it.”

“He told you?” Robin burned with embarrassment.

“He tells me everything. He had to do a lot of talking this weekend, and it was hard on him.”

“He did? It was?”

“Come in. Sit down. We need to talk.”

“Well… I came to see if Cyan’s okay. I should—“

“He’s not okay, Robin, not by a long shot. Please come in. I think you can help.”

“Okay.”

Cyan’s mother installed Robin at the kitchen table with a glass of Coke™.

“I don’t know where to start, really. Cyan’s always had trouble in school. I’ve changed half a dozen times, in hope he’d settle and find friends. Last time, we really thought he had. Then it came out he was gay and things changed overnight. He was teased and bullied, then the attack—

“I can’t begin to tell you how terrible it was. I was sure I’d lost him. We lost his father when he was fourteen, and he’s all I have left.”

She started to cry, and Robin had no idea what to do. He was acutely embarrassed, and wished he’d never come. He found his mind wandering, wondering where Cyan was. He almost jumped out of his skin when she touched his shoulder. Jumpy much?

“I’m sorry, Robin, you don’t need to know all this.”

“No, it’s alright,” he lied.


“After the attack, things were very bad for Cyan. He found it hard to rationalise what happened. At first he thought it was his fault, then he got afraid of everyone. It got so bad, he started to – hurt himself. We didn’t notice until he-he tried to kill himself – twice. I almost lost him again.

And now go read all the other wonderful authors who are flashing today.


2 comments:

  1. NO!!!! Cyan just can't hurt himself like that. No matter what else happens you can't do that to us. You just can't.

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    1. Umm... I can, you know. I'm the God of my world so I can do anything and frequently do. I wonder what Robin would do if Cyan were dead, He hasn't really known him that long after all. But then, the story IS called Cyan :)

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