Thursday, 17 May 2012

Hop against Homophobia


  What is Hop Against Homophobia?

Click on the link on my home page to find a better explanation than I can give, but as far as I can tell it's a gathering together of a group of bloggers who have something to say on the subject of homophobia.

What is Homophobia?

I'm not going to attempt to define homophobia, for the purposes of this post let's just say it's a definition of someone who has a problem with people who have a different sexuality to them. And yes, gay people can be homophobic towards staights, bisexuals, transexuals, so they've got no reason to be smug and own the word.

What's My Opinion of Homophobics?

You have a phobia dude, get help.


If I have a phobia against flying do I have the right to stop aeroplanes taking off
If I have a phobia about beards (and yes, this is a genuine phobia) do I have the right to insist no one grows a beard?
If I have a phobia against clowns do I have the right to close circuses?

Then why the hell should I have the right to tell someone who they can and can't love?

My first reaction to homophobics is... What the hell has it got to do with you? How exactly does it affect your life? Okay, let's say you believe that gays will go to hell. So what? How does that affect your life? How does that hurt you? How does ot absolve you from being and asshole? How does it give you the right to destroy someone, to hurt them so badly mentally and physically they want to die, to deny them their place in society, their right to be treated like everyone else?

In what way are gays different to you? Are they more likely to hurt you? Can they get you fired? Can they take your home, your children, you car/boat/plane? Can they threaten your life/security/property in any way? No more than anyone else.

So what precisely is it that gives you the right to, for example, tell them they can't get married. Okay, Christians have the right to deny church weddings to anyone. Fair enough, it's their church, their building, their choice. But what about civil weddings? No, not civil unions... weddings. Just like everyone else.

Can you logically explain you objections? I think not.

I am the mother to a gay daughter and (possibly a gay son, who knows with him?) and I am bisexual. My POV is that love comes so rarely how foolish are we if we throw it away because it comes in the wrong box. Love is rare and precious and should be welcomed in no matter how it presents itself.

My Message to Homophobes.

Get a life and leave mine the hell alone. If you can't, get tretment.

The Good Bit

One of the requirements for participation in this blog is to offer a prize of some kind for something.

I don't write gay books. I write books that are exciting, confusing, thought provoking, shocking and a whole load of other things, that happen to have gay characters. Sometimes they are erotic, sometimes they have no sex at all. Sometimes they are tragic and sometimes they make you laugh... just like life really.

So, how do you win one ( or more if I decide your answer is worthy of it) of my books?

I thought about that, and it would be easy just to pick a name out of a hat, but what would be the point of that? So, to win my prize you have to work a little. Leave a comment on my blog telling me one thing, just one tiny thing that we, individally, whether we be gay, straight, bisexual, trangendered, or just ambivalent, can do to educate the rest of our society (ies) as to why we are no different to them and deserve our place among them... Come on guys surely you can think of one small thing.

A panel of myself, my daughter, my son and maybe my cat, will decide on the best answer and contact the winner within a couple of days of the competition closing on 20th May, so make sure you leave a point of contact.

What do you do now?

Click on the link  HERE  and read what all the other fine bloggers have to say on the topic, and what awesome prizes they are offering you to do so.

That's all folks


  1. A great, no-nonsense post. In spite of my natural tendency to anger quickly (then think things through... later), I do often find myself just going, "buh?" a lot of times when it comes to homophobes. Logic? What's that?

    It's amazing what a difference it makes when some acquaintance or family member who doesn't know uses homophobic speech in front of me and I politely make it clear that it isn't cool, and by the way, I'm bi. It's not for everyone and I'd never suggest it should be (that'd defeat the purpose of fighting for the right to live life on our own terms), but visibility is important to me personally. People find out someone they love or respect is on the spectrum and it tends to change the game.

    1. Thank you for your comment :) I know what you mean. It certainly gives you a different perspective. I was naive enough to beleive that being gay wasn't an issue anymore... until I put on an engagement party for my daughter and her partner and heard the stories of her friends, some of whom adopted me as the mother they wished they had. It was a shocker.

      Congrats, you're in the competition.

  2. Aw, gee... I can't even discuss the fact that I'm asexual in a sex-obsessed society! ;-) But I loved your post, and thought I'd let you know.
    I don't think I can change the world. Therefore I'll stop bothering about what it thinks about me.

    1. the first step to changing the world is changing your world. If you stop bothering about what people think then there's nothing stopping you discussing it. Discuss away.

      Congrats, you're in the competition.

  3. I think what makes people realize most often that everyone is a person with feelings, dreams, hopes and fears, is to meet people that are different from them. I think that changing the world starts with the small things, talking to people- especially those that are different than you, traveling, but most of all listening. You can learn so much about people, and yourself if you only stop to listen. So that, I guess is my way we- and everyone can change the world, listen.

    1. I think you're absolutely right, not just in relations to Homophobia but so many other things.

      Congrats you're in the competition

  4. What a great post, Nephy - you go, girl!

    What can we do? Keep screaming, keep fighting and kicking and telling those assholes how fucked up they are and to keep the hell out of other people's bedrooms! If you're that interested, rent a gd movie!

    Support GLBTQ businesses, and keep writing our stories and showing that their love isn't scary, it's wonderful!

    *hugs to my Nephy*

    1. Awww :) Hugs back... but don't think it's going to get you any favouritism in the competition :p

      You're totally and absolutely right. That's exactly what I'm going to do. Keep yelling, keep fighting and keep trying to get literature involving gay characters accepted in the mainstream

      Congrats you're in the competition

  5. Well said. Homophobia is presently one of the nastiest forms of bigotry in my country. The USA has yet to find an effective means of dealing with it. I'm sorry to say, but religion has 99% to do with all of it.

    1. Not just in your country hun, unfortunately. In my opinion the only effective way of dealing with it is education. People fear the unknown and fear turns to hate and then they stop wanting to learn, to know. The more they learn the more they know the less they fear. And if that doesn't make sense it's because I have a fuzzy cold head today :)

      Congrats you're in the competition (Even though you didn't give me a way to fight, you gave me an idea on how to, so it counts)

  6. Thank you for being part of this HOP and helping shine a light on this important issue.

    1. You're welcome. It's something that's important to me so it was absolutely no effort

  7. *Grin* as always you're 'in your face, deal with it' lol. Probably why I like you so much... You don't beat around the bush.

    Not long ago I had a group of kids running around here. They're all out of school, and some are even pushing 20. Old enough to know better, right? You'd think. Now, most know me and know the rules of the house. But... one of the girlfriends had a friend with her. As they headed outside she makes the damn comment "That's so gay" in conjunction to who knows what.

    Every kid in the group froze. I told her that wasn't cool, and a stupid thing to say, and do not say things like that in my house. She shrugged at me. Shrugged at me in my own house! Before I could get my mouth opeded my son, who is straight btw, told her he had several gay friends and he didn't appreciated what she said. He-I'm still sitting there with my mouth hanging open at her disrespect-told her to get the hell out of his home.

    *Grin* that's my boy!

    Needless to say this chick hasn't been back to my house and wouldn't be welcomed if she did show back up.


    1. Well, there are two things. First of all. Yay to go son, standing up for his friends and his Mum. Two... who the hell does she think she is, disrespecting her boyfriends home and mother.

      Nicely done, my dear :)

  8. Never apologize for expressing yourself, and for the opinions you have, as you say, you has a right to those things.

    In my post for Hop Against Homophobia, I choose to address the bias and ignorance that exists within GLBTIIQ communities towards others like trans, intergender or androgyne people.

    It's a tough, hurtful, horrible battle we have to keep laboring at, and its even harder when some of it is from people you hoped would accept you for what you are, whatever that happens to be.

    As I replied to a commenter on my thread: "The first thing I think about if someone asks who I am, what I am, or whatever else: I am a person. 2nd, I’m human. Anything else is incidental. I agree with you, I don’t get why gender/stereotypes/sexuality matter so much to people."

    The hate that some choose to resort to is because of insecurities in themselves, often backed by religious belief or environmental suggestion. Homophobia is a huge issue that affects millions, but homo-ignorance can be as insidious.

    I enjoyed reading your passion, Neph.

  9. Thank you :) I hope that I made it clear that I don't think people have the right to judge ANYONE and that gay men don't own the word homophobia and can just as easily be guilty of it, the same as everyone else. It would be naive to think that people don't have prejudices, we all do (As much as I hate to admit it because I think it's a weakness and a hypocrisy in myself, I am prejudiced against Christianity and it's not something I'm proud of) but what we can reasonably expect is that they damn well keep them to themselves.

  10. One thing... hmm... let me think on that. Maybe simply standing up together to fight prejudice instead of turning a blind eye. Speaking out instead of remaining silent.

    [joke alert]

    And if that fails - start a clothing line for dogs with GLBT slogans on. Because, as I am sure you know, most cats won't put up with wearing clothes. :-)

  11. You are, unfortunately right. My cats complain bitterly about the bonnets. They refuse to be seen by their friends wearing them :)

    You're also completely right about the standing together. Hopefully there will eventually be enough people standing shoulder to shoulder all around the earth to form an effective barrier to prejudice of all kinds.

  12. Thank you so much for participating in the hop. I hope that this helps to spread the word and that one day a hop like this will no longer be needed. I have shown many of the post to my nieces and nephews. We recently have been discussing how damaging bullying is and how innocent remarks can make you be seen as being a bully. One of the things that makes me mad is when I're so gay... pisses me off. These post have helped them already. I heard my nephew stand up to someone that called someone else a hurtful name... I was so proud. Thank you all for helping by sharing hurtful and/sad memories and your personal views/message.
    I pray one day for equality for EVERYONE not just some.

    1. Yay to your nephew. It's the young that really need to be educated, because to them it won't be fought for it will be natural, a given.

      Thank you for your comment

  13. Thank you for the thoughtful and truthful post!

    1. Thank you for appreciating it :)

      Suddenly there are so many more people in the competition. Against my best intentions it's going to be names in a hat :)

  14. "If I have a phobia about beards (and yes, this is a genuine phobia) do I have the right to insist no one grows a beard?"

    Wow, love that point!

    But honestly? To make the world more accepting? The way I see it is that homophobes are a) ignorant and don't know better b) ignorant and choose to remain so, and c) just plain spiteful bullies. With a) the best way would be to introduce them to GLBT people for them to see that there's nothing unnatural about them. For b) the same as for a), except you may have to keep bringing them together in order for that person to see that there's nothing unnatural about GLBT people. As for c) the only way I see is to press charges for hate speech - because hate speech is NOT free speech. You can't speak freely if it hurts a minority group, like, say, Fred Phelps. Someone needs to be made an example out of, and I think he'd make an excellent candidate. His hateful poison has gone beyond his followers, because his followers are bringing their children into it who then spew the hateful words at school, thereby causing GLBTQ kids to feel badly about themselves and commit suicide. Right now, a lot of countries (including the USA) are saying that it's okay to bash upon a minority group, but as soon as they make those people responsible for what they're saying, people will start to quiet down. Yes, they'll still spew the nonsense to their kids, but the other kids will hear less of it and may have more chance to make their own opinions. The bullies' kids will also learn that it's not okay to say homophobic remarks out loud in school - currently they're allowed to hold up signs with "God Hates Fags" and no one's stopping them (albeit, not in school, but at burials and such).

    So there, no easy solution, but I think this would help greatly.

    eripike at gmail dot com

  15. You'll be glad to know I don't have a beard.

    I think you've pretty much knocked the nail on the head so far as the children are concerned. Children are the future and we can educate adults as much as we like but they're the ones who need to be brought up with GBLT as being the norm. Who's Fred Phelps? I'm absolute apalling with names. :)

    I'm not entirely convinced about punishment, that should be kept for the most extreme cases. That just raises resentment. Education is the key. Maybe schools could have tolerance classes, not just about this subject but racial and all other kinds.

    I don't know the answers. I just keep chipping away at what I can.

    I truly believe that the way to change the world is to change your part of it.

    1. Fred Phelps is the guy who's gathered his followers to make nasty signs with slogans like "God Hates Fags" and "Gay Dies God Laughs" (sounds so stupid - who even came up with that?) and such. They gather at GLBT funerals to protest and such. So, so nasty. Here: and here:,r:3,s:0,i:70

      (Yes, those are kids in that picture - so, so wrong).

    2. It's barely conceivable. How can someone be so vile? Why would he feel that, even if that is what he believes, he has the right to be so cruel and just plain evil. Are people really so blind that they can't see that? If I was Christian I have to say I would take this kind of behaviour as a sign that yes, there is a devil and yes, he does have followers on earth. Talk about wolves in sheep's clothing and the clothes don't even fit that well

  16. I love your list about phobias, like the one on flying. I'll have to remember that when I run across someone who is homophobic.

    I think schools need to bring in people involved with the gay community or like the Trevor project and talk to the students. The younger the students are reached the better. But unfortunately fearful parents will resist this idea. I've heard that there is such a project going on in the UK, maybe the US can get some ideas from them.


  17. I believe the biggest thing we can do is instill acceptance in our children, I believe things will change with that younger generation.

  18. Hello Love...I've been sharing these words with all the blogs I've visited so far, I think the links at the bottom need to be spread around.
    To me, homophobia is an excuse. An excuse to not acknowledge that something *IS* because it was meant to be. I'm going to use me as an example, not an example of me being homophobic but an example of what I did when I encounter homosexualism. While growing up I never heard the word gay in my house thus I started middle school not even knowing what a gay person was. I heard the other boys call a boy in my class a *faggot* amongst other things and I had no idea what they were saying. Through the years and even after I knew what the word meant I didn't know anyone who was openly gay so it was never in my mind. Once my oldest daughter came to me and told me she was gay, even though I was scare at first, the first thing I did was research. Years later I'm still reading about and coming up with the most interesting things all the time, some very good, some, well... ignorant. Like the Phelps family and their cult followers. There is a word for these type of people, and sorry, it is NOT ignorant. They are just Sociopaths who don't like anything that does not conform to their beliefs. There are too many people who CHOOSE to be their puppets, unfortunately. Here's a couple of interesting things for you to share with your readers. The first one is a test done by a panel of psychologists on homophobia...

    The second is a very interesting read for those who are believers... I found it quite interesting...
    Enjoy and thanks for participating in Hop. You are my super trooper girl!
    Sandra Rush

  19. Nephy, Fred Phelp and his gang of hooligans is a supposed minister who hates EVERYTHING and everyone! They are the most vile group of idiots ever brought to life. It saddens me so much that so many follow their ignorant asses!! They make protests on everything, from soldier's funerals, gay festivals, you name it... Perhaps you've heard their famous "God hates fags* banter before... Google it, or maybe not. I don't think I'd like to expose you to their venom.