It's been an eventful couple of weeks. I'm exhausted, but happy to be writing again. This week I've actually written around the prompt 'One step at a time' rather than trying to fit it in at the end.
“I thought… I thought you didn’t like being touched,” Robin gasped when they came up for air. He knew it was a lame thing to say but silence would have been unbearable, and he couldn’t think of anything else.
“And I thought you were straight?” Cyan said, sombrely. “I really hope you’re not doing this to hurt me.”
“Hurt you? God no! I could…I couldn’t bear to hurt you again.” Robin was truly horrified and Cyan must have seen it, because his eyes suddenly lit up.
“You meant it? You really meant it?”
“That kiss. You really meant to kiss me. I mean to kiss me…like that?”
“Like what?” Robin was beginning to get confused and again it must have shown in his eyes.
“Oh God,” Cyan moaned and spun, flinging himself onto the bed. “Just go away.”
Robin stood in the doorway, his mouth opening and closing. “What just happened?”
“Go away.” Cyan’s face was buried in a pillow, and it was hard to make out the words. The body language, though, was not difficult to read at all. Cyan was in pain. Somehow, Robin had hurt him again, and he had no idea how.
“What did I do? What did I say?”
Something snapped in Robin and he stormed across the room. “I will not go away,” he said. “I don’t know what the hell’s going on here, but it’s bullshit. I don’t know what I’m supposed to have done this time, but whatever it is, I’m not going to apologise because it’s all in your head. Okay. I will not be frozen out because I kissed you, when I know very well you wanted it as much as I did.”
“But you didn’t.” Cyan said, his voice still muffled by the pillow. “You didn’t mean to kiss me like that; not like…that. You said so.”
“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about. You’re doing my fucking head in. I didn’t say anything.”
“I know. That’s what I mean. You said it by not saying it.”
Robin caught himself before he spoke angry words. He took a steadying breath and sat down on the bed, laying a hand on Cyan’s shoulder. Cyan jerked away from him, and turned over, so fast he almost fell off the bed. “Don’t touch me,” he said, automatically, and sat up.
“You weren’t complaining two minutes ago.”
“I know.” Cyan lowered his eyes. “But that’s when I thought…”
“What? When you thought what? Look, none of this is making sense to me. I know you’re hurt and upset about something but I don’t know what it is. I’m sorry, but I don’t speak Cyan.”
Cyan frowned. “What do you mean?”
“A lot of times what you say doesn’t make sense, at least not to me. I know it’s not your fault. I know you see the world differently to others, and that’s fine. I don’t care. I don’t care if you’re a bit…different. I don’t care if I have to change the way I see things to fit in with you, because I can’t expect you to change to fit in with me. What I do care about is that you make giant leaps, leave me behind, then freak on me because I haven’t kept up. You did it when you kissed me, and you’ve done it again when I kissed you.
“All I want is for you to talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking, what you’re feeling, and give me the chance to do the same.”
Cyan’s frown turned contemplative. “I don’t understand,” he said after a while.
“Welcome to my world. Can you please tell me why you’re upset?”
“I was silly. I shouldn’t have…. I always do that. I mean, want things to be more than they are, read situation wrong and−”
“What exactly do you think you’ve read wrong this time?”
“It was just a kiss, wasn’t it? Just a kiss, nothing else. I thought…. I though you wanted…. But you don’t.” Cyan’s head drooped so low it almost touched the bed.
Slowly, light dawned and Robin sighed again. “Don’t tell me what I feel,” he said softly. Cyan’s head jerked up. It was impossible to tell from his expression what he was thinking, but it make Robin’s heart jump nevertheless. Cyan was impossibly lovely.
“But you’re straight,” Cyan whispered.
“I never said I was, and I never said I wasn’t,” Robin said. He swung his legs up to kneel in front of Cyan. Cyan stared at him as if he was terrified. Robin felt the need to be very careful, as with a wild animal liable to bolt.
“Is it okay if I touch you?” he asked.
Cyan’s eyes widened even further, but he nodded slightly.
First, Robin ran his hand gently up and down Cyan’s upper arm. When Cyan didn’t pull away, he
moved closer and tucked a shining hank of hair behind Cyan’s ear. Cyan flinched.
“Is that alright?” Robin asked. “Is it alright if I just touch your cheek?” Cyan bit his lip and nodded. When Robin brushed the tips of his fingers gently over Cyan’s cheek, Cyan shivered, but again
didn’t pull away. Indeed, a small smile appeared.
“I don’t mind you touching me like that,” Cyan whispered.
“Good, because I’m going to be doing it a lot. I don’t know if I’m gay or not. I’ve never been with a man, never even found another man attractive. I still don’t. Not really. But I do find you attractive, and I want to kiss you…like that. I want to get to know you like I’ve never known another man. I don’t know if this is going anywhere, but I want to try. Is that what you want?”
“Then we’ll give a go. But this is new to me, One step at a time, okay?”
A beautiful, bright smile broke over Cyan’s face, and this time the nodding was enthusiastic.
Now it's time to go a'wanderin to find some more fine flashes.