I accidentally lost the prompts for this week, so I have posted without a prompt. Don't ask me where it went because I don't have a clue.
I hear voices
through the door, but I can’t make out what they’re saying. I wish I could. I
have no idea what reception my lover has received from the Council, whom I have
always considered arrogant and stubborn old men. Some of them are okay, but
other look down on me and even sneered. I know what they were thinking; I have
always known. It’s the same thing a lot of people in the kingdom think – that I am
a joke; not fit to be king. My mind, my honour, my good intents are irrelevant.
All they care about is my ability, or lack thereof, in war–making.
I have never
pretended to be a war–maker. I barely keep in the saddle when I gallop a horse. My
constitution is delicate and my sensibilities even more so. I could blame
childhood illnesses, which came one after the other since I was a toddler, but
the truth is, I take after my mother who is also delicate. Of course, that’s
fine for a woman, especially a queen, but not a ‘real’ man. Father should have
realized he would have surprised no one if he had simply admitted to my
relationship with Tian.
How much
longer must I pace, my ears straining for some sound, no matter how small, to
tell me how the meeting progresses. Perhaps I could crack open the door. Just a
tiny bit. No one would notice if the door opened a tiny bit.
“I wouldn’t do
that, dear.”
I jump, my
hand still on the handle of the door. How does she do that? How does she enter
a room so silently, and how does she know my thoughts.
“You’re a
witch,” I say, not for the first time.
She smiles,
her enigmatic smile and shakes her head. “It doesn’t take witchery for a mother
to know her children.”
“But how do
you always arrive at the moment I am about to act?”
“Luck. Now,
tell me dear, how do you really feel about this?”
I open my
mouth to tell her I’m fine, but I catch her eye. I have never been able to lie
to my mother when she looks me in the eye.
“It hurts.
More than I would have imagined. They were right to prevent me attending the
meeting. I don’t know how I could pretend I was not in love with him. I don’t
know how I will do it in the days to come. I am not naïve enough to believe I
will not be expected to spend time in their presence. There will be balls and
dinners…. How can I do this, mother? How can I watch him with her and not
reveal my pain? How can I look at him and conceal my thoughts and feelings?”
My mother sits
and pats her lap. It has been a long time since I curled there and whispered to
her of whatever ailed me at the time. Many times the ailments were physical.
She has rocked me through pain and fever many times. Now the pain and fever are
different, but none the less real.
For a moment,
my father’s words ‘stand up and be a man’ echo in my head and stiffen my spine,
but I have been told many times I am no man, and at this moment I have no
desire to be.
My mother’s
arms do not feel as comforting and safe as they did before. Something is
missing, and I realize with a sick start what it is. She is not Tian. I will
never again feel as safe with anyone other than he. The understanding makes me
sigh and twists the knife a little more in my gut.
Mother strokes
my hair and croons. “My poor boy. This life was never for you. They say you
would be a bad king, but I know better. Your father has made this kingdom
strong with his body. You will make it stronger with your mind. You have the
intelligence, courage and strength of character to make our kingdom truly
great. You will introduce revolutionary measures that will enhance the lives of
everyone within our lands and will secure for you a greater place in history
than your father. Your name will be remembered long after his is forgotten. You
will be known as the wise kind who heralded in a golden age, an age of peace
and prosperity, when our neighbours become friends, and our kingdom’s allies
make us stronger than we have ever been before.”
My mother’s
words are hypnotic, and pain pictures in my mind that I like. I like them very
much and I do not doubt for a moment that the words are true.
“Until then,
you will do what you have to do. A strong king cannot allow personal matters to
intrude into affairs of state. Think not of what you lose in distancing
yourself from your love in public, but what you will gain from an alliance with
his father. The key to your future is with Tian’s people and that will become
obvious soon enough.”
“What do you
mean?”
“I mean you
should bide your time and the future will come to you sooner than you think.
Once Tian’s position is assured with our people we will send a diplomatic
mission to his father, to secure our position and formally introduce him to
Tian fiancée.”
“And that is
supposed to make me feel better?”
Mother kisses
my hair. “Fear not. Tian’s father knows the truth. There, you may be open with
your love and it will be Jandra who takes the back seat. By the time you
return, everything will have changed, and there will be no more need to hide
your feelings for him.”
“What do you
mean ‘everything will have changed?’”
Her words have
an ominous ring, but her only response is that smile again. Before I can inquire more, the door to my father’s room opens.
Now go check out the rest of the flashers this week
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