Another Wednesday comes around and a historic day approaches fast. Tomorrow Britain goes to the polls to determine whether we stay within the European Union. I'm terrified to tell the truth, but trying to comfort myself with writing. Today I take a prompt that many people will find even more terrifying but I hope I have presented her in a positive light for she is beautiful in her own way.
“Mmm.” I am
warm and comfortable, my body light, as if I float in a sea of cloud that
envelops me in downy arms. Everything is right. Perhaps I sleep in my lover’s
arms. My lover. Tian. It has been such a little time and my feelings have grown
so fast they should, perhaps, frighten me, as so many things have done in the
past, but they do not. It feels absolutely right, this bond that formed inside.
If I look it is there, a shining core that makes me feel…safe.
“Castien?”
I smile. My
lover calls. It is time to wake.
The good
feeling lasts until I open my eyes, and for a moment longer, when I gaze into
Tien’s adored eyes, but then memory floods me and I feel nauseated. What have I
done?
I sit up too
fast and dizziness has me on my back again. “I’m sorry,” I mumble as the slow
burn of embarrassment touches my cheeks.
My father
chuckles. “Easy, boy, you’ll have us all think you’re a weakling and I have had
my first true confirmation that you are not. I admit that, in the past, I have
found it difficult to find something to be truly proud of but I admit when I am
wrong and I admit I did not look hard enough. Today you earned the right to
your title and your position at my side. Rest now, and make preparations for in
three days we will ride into the heart of the demons.”
“It’s called Coedwen,”
Tian says quietly. “My country. My home city is Nestra.”
My father
inclines his head without response. “Be prepared.”
I’m sure if I
had been on my feet he would have slapped my back so hard I’d have fallen. With
a grunt, he swings around and leaves the door open when he strides out. Father
never closes a door.
“I still think
you’re pathetic,” Jandra snorts, but she helps me to my feet and hugs me before
she follows Father. I am left feeling stunned and strangely hollow. Should I
not be happy? At last I have earned the respect of my family but they no longer
matter. I have shown my true weakness in front of Tian. He is the only one who
matters now. I cannot see Tian fainting from stress. And I was so angry with
him. What a fool. What must he think of me?
Unable to face
him I fix my gaze to the wall. A spider
has made a home in the intricate carving of the cross and spins a web from arm
to arm. The intricate weave shimmers in the candlelight and appears to be spun
of pure silver. The web is truly a thing of beauty, and yet there are so many
who would call the spider ugly and would flee from it, crushing its tender body
beneath their heel and sweeping away way all her hard work with one flick of a
duster. A melancholic sympathy stirs in my breast. We all weave our webs and
there is always someone looking to tear them down and crush us beneath their
heel. I will not let that be me. I not let the be him.
I turn to find
Tian regarding me with tender concern, and perhaps a touch of humour.
“I’m sorry. I
was a fool. I should not have doubted you. I should not have been so angry.”
“Your feelings
were high. I understand.”
And he does. I
know he does. That’s what makes him so special, and what makes me feel like a
spoiled child next to his calm maturity.
“You seem
weary and it is very late. We should return to your chamber.”
A certain
glint in his eyes makes my blood pool in my groin and I am dizzy again. The
smile that breaks from me is brazen and even as I send a heated gaze in his direction
my cheeks begin to burn and my heart flutters at my audacity.
Tian gasps,
going very still. I stare in fascination as the tip of his tongue moistens his
lips. Unlike me, he appears to have paled, although it is hard to tell with
skin so fair. His reaction makes me falter. Is it attraction or merely shock
that this child should play at being a man? Will it turn to disgust or condescension?
“Do you have
any idea how beautiful you are?” Tian asks as he takes me in his arms. “When
you look at me like that I fear I will explode as the poor shell of my body is
inadequate to contain such feelings as you inspire in me.”
I shiver when
Tian’s fingers ghost over my cheek. “I’m not really beautiful,” I feel obliged
to point out. “You only think so because you…you….” I cannot dare speak the
words I cannot dare believe them. If I speak I make myself vulnerable to a
response.
“Because I
what?”
I cannot look
at him. The warmth that had envelops me turns to ice and I shiver in his arms.
I know I should speak but fear traps my voice. I was not so afraid when I stood
before the Counsel.
“Speak my
love. Let me hear your acceptance. I know you struggle with belief in yourself,
but never struggle with your belief in me. Speak what you know in your heart.”
It’s one of
the hardest things I have ever done to force my eyes to meet his, and my voice
to break free of fear’s restraints. “Because you love me?” I whisper and a
smile lights his face more effectively than the candles light the room.
“Yes, I do
love you. I love you with all my heart. But it is not my love that perceives your
breath-taking beauty but eyes that have looked upon many men and a brain that
can make a fair comparison.”
And with those
words I am warm again.
Now go check out some more flashers who will make you feel warm
No comments:
Post a Comment