Tuesday 22 May 2012

Short Story Competition - Lightening Flashed



ANOTHER BLOG HOP. THIS TIME IT'S ME WHO'S HOPING FOR A PRIZE.

Participate and vote here 

Support the Blog, read all the stories then vote for me :)


Lightning flashed, its crazy light blinding for one moment the black cat who crept, soft footed over the white tiles, toward the man. Body twisted, blood running from the silver knife to pool beneath, the man was unaware Soft nose nudged the white arm where no pulse pumped blood through veins no longer blue with life. Another flash, a change and where before there was a cat, a dark man knelt weeping. “Why? Why did you do this. One day. Could you not have waiting one day? I was coming. I am here.”
Soft footfalls and a second car was there, its warmth pressed against his leg. He let his hand fall on grey striped head and it slid as the hair grew long and straight. An arm slipped round his waist and a head rested on his shoulder. Naked skin as pale as the corpse was soft against his cheek as he turned his head.
“He should have waited. It should have been me.”
“Quiet, my mate. It is done and your knife still unsullied. It is over. Take me home.”
The dark man stole one last look at the father who caused so much pain, so much torment. “It should have been me. My hand should have held the knife.”
Two cats on silent feet streaked from the house toward the forest line as lightening flashed.




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16 comments:

  1. I love the atmosphere you have created. And the twist is pretty cool.

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    1. Thank you :)

      Been trying to work my way through all the stories, Phew. :)

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  2. Thank you for entering my 2nd Annual Flash Fiction Blogfest! The six finalists will be announced on Friday, May 25th. I will further comment on your entry on Thursday.

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    1. Thank yu :) I found you by accident through Michael Offutt's tweet so it was all a bit of a rush. Wish I had time to read and comment on more stories but they're all awesome.

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  3. you had me at black cat :) love this!!
    Andrea

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    1. I like my black cats too. Thank you for the comment

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  4. The cats are a very nice tie-in to the lightning... you could definitely do more with this if the story were continued... more scenes where the cats act as transitions and take the reader from place to place...

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    1. It's definitely an interesting thought. If I wasn't so swamped by other ideas I really might do that.

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  5. Dark,interesting and very well written.

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  6. I love the repetition between the waiting and the lightning flashed. Good job!

    I'll announce the finalists tomorrow.

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    1. Thank you :) Looking forward to the vote. There are some awesome stories. I've had a bit of trouble loading them up so I haven't managed to read them all but I've loved what I have read.

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  7. I like the twist towards the end. I thought it was something involving self-sacrifice. :-)

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  8. I don't know, I guess in a strange twisted way it was. it wasn't an appreciated one, though :) Thank you for the review

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